What glitters is not always gold and what looks good to you is not always good for you, though these are cliché they are true. This is the same as “beware of the wolfe in sheep’s clothing.” Well my first long-term relationship I thought in the beginning was a perfect one. I'd been in a relationship with a guy who I believed loved me and cared for me more than anything else in the world. He was cute, fair in complexion, tall and we were compatible in spite of our age difference, he was 19 and I was 15. I can't recall him rejecting me in any way in the beginning things were great, he took me everywhere with him, where you saw him you saw me, we were inseperable. Then things changed we began to do things other than just hanging out. He introduced me to (powder) cocaine and because I thought he loved me I used with him to please him, I allowed him to be my mind, he would make decisions for me quite often unfortunately this was a bad one. It felt good to feel loved, to be in love and to love however this was all wrong “love doesn’t hurt.” At first I didn’t think anything of the drugs I saw it as recreational and it wasn’t going to harm anyone let alone me. I was wrong to make a long story short the drug use started with this relationship and the drug addiction ended several years later.
I did recognize that when we ran out of drugs he became violent. I lied for him, made excuses for him because I thought he loved me again "love doesn’t hurt." I was stuck on false love.
On this one particular day he came to pick me up, at first, he looked ok like everything was fine however he was unusually quiet and shortly thereafter he had a look in his eye that was unfamiliar I didn’t think anything of it, so I went with him I will never forget, he came and picked me up from my mother’s house I said bye to my mom and left with him, as we were driving we began to talk and out of no where he brought up something about his friend I had no idea what he was talking about, come to find out a male friend of his told him that I was looking at him (in a sexual way), this was a lie, an excuse for him to beat me so he took me up in the mountains where no one could hear me scream I didn’t even know when the car stopped, he dragged me out by my hair and began to punch me, kick me, beat me like I was a stranger as he continued to beat me I can remember yelling up to him “I love you” to get him to stop, after a while he did stop just as a state trooper came riding up (I thought to myself this was truly my angel to save me) because I believe at that particular time my then boyfriend was going to kill me.. The trooper asked me if everything was ok and I looked at him and lied I said, "yes," when this was so far from the truth. Then after the trooper left we left, the whole time riding back in the car he was begging and pleading telling me not to tell, and that he loved me, "it will never happen again." I fell for it, when my mother saw my face she questioned us, I lied and told her I hit my face on the end of the coffee table as a result of him and I wrestling.This was a total lie but because I was so engulfed by the sense of being inlove I didn’t want to get him in trouble, I didn’t want to be alone and I kept making excuses to stay in the relationship when this was more harmful than helpful. Eventually I started to fight back and shortly thereafter we split up. It is by God's Saving Grace and Mercy that I am alive and well today able to tell my story to help someone else who may be blinded by false love and or insecurity, the real thing is out there just hold on. No one has the right to hurt you in any way, and if you are anything like I was afraid of being alone there is better out there for you. What God has for you is for you and if you just wait on God He will send someone that will really love you for who you are without the harm and abuse, Wait on The Lord!
I did recognize that when we ran out of drugs he became violent. I lied for him, made excuses for him because I thought he loved me again "love doesn’t hurt." I was stuck on false love.
On this one particular day he came to pick me up, at first, he looked ok like everything was fine however he was unusually quiet and shortly thereafter he had a look in his eye that was unfamiliar I didn’t think anything of it, so I went with him I will never forget, he came and picked me up from my mother’s house I said bye to my mom and left with him, as we were driving we began to talk and out of no where he brought up something about his friend I had no idea what he was talking about, come to find out a male friend of his told him that I was looking at him (in a sexual way), this was a lie, an excuse for him to beat me so he took me up in the mountains where no one could hear me scream I didn’t even know when the car stopped, he dragged me out by my hair and began to punch me, kick me, beat me like I was a stranger as he continued to beat me I can remember yelling up to him “I love you” to get him to stop, after a while he did stop just as a state trooper came riding up (I thought to myself this was truly my angel to save me) because I believe at that particular time my then boyfriend was going to kill me.. The trooper asked me if everything was ok and I looked at him and lied I said, "yes," when this was so far from the truth. Then after the trooper left we left, the whole time riding back in the car he was begging and pleading telling me not to tell, and that he loved me, "it will never happen again." I fell for it, when my mother saw my face she questioned us, I lied and told her I hit my face on the end of the coffee table as a result of him and I wrestling.This was a total lie but because I was so engulfed by the sense of being inlove I didn’t want to get him in trouble, I didn’t want to be alone and I kept making excuses to stay in the relationship when this was more harmful than helpful. Eventually I started to fight back and shortly thereafter we split up. It is by God's Saving Grace and Mercy that I am alive and well today able to tell my story to help someone else who may be blinded by false love and or insecurity, the real thing is out there just hold on. No one has the right to hurt you in any way, and if you are anything like I was afraid of being alone there is better out there for you. What God has for you is for you and if you just wait on God He will send someone that will really love you for who you are without the harm and abuse, Wait on The Lord!
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